Where tears come from

 Tears show up uninvited 

I am blushing and wishing for invisibility powers

I'm scared to look inside and find out why I'm crying 

There are so many different feelings flowing through me right now 

I can't make any sense of myself - and the only thing I know is that there is no going back

Dreams are being dismissed and replaced

And love is also dying and creeping from unusual never imagined places

I'm overwhelmed overwhelmed overwhelmed 

I can't stop myself from feeling, although I'm great at keeping my everything hidden

At least I used to be, up to now

And now... well, now there's you and your fierce sharp eyes always watching 👀 

Seeing more of me than myself 

Paying attention to things I didn't know about myself 

Oh, well - that scares the crap out of me

No more poetry intended or unintended 

Words are flying around my mind and once again I face my own self-imposed censorship 

I am not supposed to feel

I'm not supposed to feel this

I'm not supposed to feel like this for you

But censorship has only led me to darkness

And I'll cross any roads not to go there again

I'll walk for miles in the cold freezing roads

I'll go against all the rules of normalcy 

If that's my path, so it shall be 

Still, there's always that tiny blinking warning that says I've gone mad

That all I feel is wrong, impossible, twisted 

That allowing myself to feel this love will drive me insane and result in that same old abyss 

I feel like a chickenshit scared toddler 

Trying to learn my steps

Frozen between guts and fear

But then I remember toddlers are fearless 

'Cause they don't know what dangers lie ahead

How could I ever clean my heart and soul from the knowledge of all that can go wrong in the paths of love? Is it even possible? And if it is, do I really want to dwell in such naive innocence once more?

...

In a brief look inside the depths of my heart and soul, HELL YES, I want that more than anything else in life. But not unconditionally!

I can't survive heartbreak again if I restore my innocence

So, I push it away from me

I entangle in a grown-up game and no one takes my heart when they're taking me on a date

My body, yes, even my soul might show up too

But my heart is always absent, frozen, forever frozen

I feel it racing every time I look at you 

And that is why I hide

I can't take another step unless you take me by the hand

And how I long for your hands in mine, and how I dread it terribly at the same time

I'm just repeating myself to say

I don't mind if you don't mind

Can you read my mind?

🔥Liv Louback