Midnight confessions

 I search the skies for answers

I try to distinguish what's mine and what's not

I feel you in waves so overwhelming

I'm drowning at times

✨️

I think I'm loosing my mind

How could any of this be true?

Still, how could I deny such powerful feelings?

I feel you with me all the time

No peace of mind until you can rest by my side

In this invisible net we are entangled deeply

It couldn't seem more wrong

But it couldn't feel more right

I am struggling to be me, just me

But I guess we've always been one

Fighting for love every and each life

I wish it could be more simple, sometimes

All I want is for your heart to be mine

As it always was, as it always will be

Life after life

I'm so afraid to trust this is real

Yet I am running out of time

I'm too tired to read the signs

So I wished upon a star

I wake up from dreams of you

And all I want to do is cry

Life tastes so bittersweet 

Without you by my side

I don't know what to do - will you be my guide?

On the edge

 I want to scream at the multiverse

I want to hate everything around me with all my strength 

I wish I could just let go of things in my heart once I set my mind on letting go 

I feel so out of my own control and it doesn't seem fair at all to be trapped at this point of life when I could be about to have anything and everything 

I don't understand why I experience things to this depths

I don't know why would my innocence be restored just to be hardly shattered right after

I wish I had the power to transmute into a butterfly and fly away for good

And then peacefully die right after, that's what butterflies do

They were never meant to endure

The ugliness of this cold world and broken hearts

I keep repeating to myself that this too shall pass, when every cell in my body tells me "not this time"

So I ran over myself to try and get out of this trap

But all it made me feel was way worse

Because nothing makes sense anymore 

Not all the beauty in the world  can let me forget what is lying hidden in my heart 💔 

I wish I had the power to erase all my dreams and hopes

And while I don't find the way for that to be true, I hide myself under my skin

I won't give up until I cease to exist

And become just a fucking shadow like every shallow person out there

My soul can just R.I.P. when it's no longer in this horrifying human facade

And so goes on the battle between light and darkness

I never felt more intensely that we're bound to loose in the long run

Because humans will never choose love overcoming all circumstances 

They prefer deceit and appearances

And darkness will take every single damned last heart that beats

Until all the lights ✨ in this wide multiverse go out 

Until love is no more

Perfect Timings

 I'm not writing poetry today, I'm just letting things out of my chest before they consume me in bitterness. I feel so deeply upset with the blindness of people to the simple things in life...

Love doesn't demand, doesn't expect grand gestures or offerings. Doesn't require perfect timing to happen. However,  when it does happen it's nothing less than a sign of the universe saying yes ✨ to the spark that burns in lovers' hearts. 

While I watch the development of behaviors from people around me, I close myself deeper and deeper, I detach myself as best as I'm able to because waiting for other people to meet me at my level of depth has taken a toll on me I didn't expect.

I began nurturing resentment and letting go seemed like the only path to take. Now I feel once more completely out of reach emotionally and I don't know how I'll ever open up again. I don't even know if I want to. And it sucks. I promised myself I would never again open up my heart to anyone but this last time it felt so right I had to let go of my stubborn ways and acknowledge that I was already under that spell. I felt trust, I felt endless desire, I felt like despite all odds, things seemed real. And once more I sit here with my shadows, trying to put the puzzle of my broken heart together.

Maybe it never even happened to begin with, and it was just a goddamn illusion.  Maybe the odds were too low for anyone to even take a chance. I trapped myself in silence, and I might not have said everything on my mind, but I am sure I did make clear that I was going out of my way to be around this loved one. I went so far on that path that I couldn't recognize myself and realized I had become a reflection of the other. Other half of my soul.

I still hurt from choosing to say goodbye. The distance and silence that never seem to cease growing still pierce through my heart daily. But I can't play hot and cold anymore. I can't live walking on eggshells all the time and wondering whether I am loving alone.

I let go... and I wish you well. I summon all my heart and place it in a shell. That way all the beautiful things I feel will be protected in the memory of the sea, in the water of countless lakes, in the warmth of the sun I locked my desire, and in a trillion stars I lock the brightness of the way your eyes ignite me.

I set you free, because I don't have the ability to love halfway. I set me free because I deserve peace of mind, even if it comes at the price of emptiness of the heart.

I shed a tear, and I promise it shall be the last one that has my soul attached to it.

And with my very particular INFJ way of being, I close this door 🚪 and walk away as if nothing has ever come to pass.

I'm empty, but empty means that there's space for new things to come.