Isolation.
I need to stay away. Silence. Distance.
First I am in transition, letting go of outer energies
Then I feel loneliness in my bones, and the longing follows
With the urge to reconnect, rebirth of words
But too long has passed and I haven't moved an inch
Maybe someone observed it and thought that's weird
Maybe they're angry at me for not replying
Not being an useful tool-friend as I was trained to be, as well as trained to attach my value to it
As if I didn't deserve anything in life unless I'm paying for it with either efforts or funds
Nothing good could come for free...
An existence trapped and doomed to have no love
For love is nothing but free and it's in all that's good
Now I'm ashamed and guilty and I can't even seek
Reconnection or getting help is such a far dream
I feel like I have failed everyone, everything and me
Above all things, me, such a disappointment
What a waste of breath, space. The list goes on...
But would the world really be better without me?
I don't think so, because I let my heart speak louder, if not all days at least sometimes
And I care about the future, and I care everytime more
But for my mind, nothing could ever suffice
I'll always be insufficient and unworthy
Never good enough even when making my ultimate efforts
And that is the truth for me
That is my core reality and you can't alter it
You don't get to come to my world and love me
Without no reason and no purpose, no effort and no price, like a fake scam prize when seen by my wary eyes
Your love offer is a mistake or a fake
The only thing it cannot be is real
Because if love is free and easy and natural
That means the whole world is upsidedown and
Nothing is as I seemed to perceive them
And right now it's overwhelming the whole idea of
Re-learning everything about life
Well I need to be alone and think these things thru
I'm so very burdened by the thoughts from outside of me
Maybe I'm just confused and need to clear my head
Be alone a while to let the energies settle and...
Let everything begin once more, with passion.
