Everything that I can't understand
Holds power over me, a power to inflict
Crippling fear and anxiety
I'm working on giving up the need to understand
But with it comes the collateral effect of losing the ability to stay or care
I've been so scared of letting go
Yet I see absolutely no other alternative
And now comes once more the dreadful pain
Of starting from scratch, of healing wounds
Thay may never truly close after being so jaded
Here I sit with my shattered corpse
Trying at least to stop crying long enough to call my kids and wish them a merry Christmas
I'm at a crossroads with faith, feeling forsaken
Feeling invisible in the face of vile cowardly betrayal
There's no support left and all paths available
Seem to lead back to death
No glimpse of hope in my words today, nor in any other part of me
I sit here contemplating whether to end everything
With the guilt that comes with it
Out of a sense of responsibility for those I love
But how much pain suffices to say enough is enough?
What exactly is being expected of me on this mission?
Rape, abuse, violence, poverty, humiliation, manipulation, betrayal, heartbreak, bone breakage, disease, hunger, the pain of childbirth, endless lies, and so much that's better left forgotten clearly isn't enough to be bestowed upon the plate of this warrior carrying God's light of love.
Perhaps death is just one more item on the list
My ultimate vengeance is to give up
Leave with the job unfinished
And refuse to ever return, and further more
Trap myself in the agony of limbo for eternity
All the while carrying the open scar of the ultimate betrayal
The one that could only come by the hands of true love
