Alive

Are you afraid of being alive? I caught myself wondering about what else might be missing for me to get back that familiar urge to live and accomplish and achieve and succeed. Soon, one of my greatest worries will be gone. Finally a home rebuilt, finally a safe haven for my kids. So, why do I wake up with that emptiness in my chest? No joy in laughter. No memory of my love for the clouds, just that auto pilot weight of responsability. So suddenly, came a different perspective inside me that says maybe I am afraid of allowing myself happiness only to lose it all over again eventually. And truth to be told, maybe that too shall pass and is just the way things are. Temporary. Yet, necessary. Otherwise you're not even actually ALIVE.